2 days to D-day

Here's how it happened.

"Go to right field," Matt whispers.

"Ah crap, right direction, poor contact...run boy, run!"

"This is gonna hurt..."

I almost hopped into photoshop to add some arrows to show how I ended up landing in that direction. As you can see, I was safe by TWO miles, and didn't need to bust it down the line, but I was almost completing my clockwise rotation of a full twist as the photo was taken. Keep in mind my left leg hit the bag, then the dirt, then hyperextended. It launched me like a pole-vaulter (my leg serving as the bendable pole). I landed pretty hard on my left side and slid into the grass...

Today I walked off the distance from the bag to the grass and came up with roughly 22-24 feet. I think I did a good 16-17 in the air!

MRI results on Tuesday morning. What's it gonna be?

A.) Torn ACL
B.) Torn MCL
C.) Torn PCL
D.) Torn LCL
E.) Avulsion Fracture

I have a feeling it could be a combination of the above. I believe the intense pain I feel is from an avulsion, as in my ligament has torn away slightly from the bone. I'm not sure what the ligament is called that holds your tibia and fibula together, but that general region feels like some steel wool got lodged under my skin.

It's great to see who's checking this blog out. I'll keep 'em coming on a more regular basis once September rolls around, but my plate has been full of articles for a particular "poker" affiliate, as well as being buried in the process of the re-launch of football.com - we're building content now, and I promised to bring the thunder once we get into the regular season...I'll be one of 10 analysts for the site. A lot of user participation with some prizes to be given away, and a section that will be known as "Crush The Commentator." Any football commentators and analysts you don't like? Well, this'll be your chance to drop some hammers.

Late August will put me in Kentucky playing the role of Wid Winner in a new ditty entitled, "Wid Winner and The Slipstream." The story kicks out the jams, and I'm excited to breathe life into this dude. About 10-12 days of shooting there, and then some more stuff out here in the desert and in town.

And fo' you Missouri folks...I'm gonna hop over in September or October!

Yes. I did see THE SIMPSONS MOVIE and enjoyed it immensely. I'm actually right down the road from one of the 17 Seven/Elevens that have become Kwik-E-Marts. You can't even get into the place...all a brotha wants is ONE squishy! All that being said, the movie to see (if you can find it in the middle of the country) is Danny Boyle's new film, SUNSHINE. I'm not gonna say a word, just see it!

Funk

Whattaya do when you're in a funk? We all have those bad days, but whattaya do...when you're really...in a funk. My knee injury has been the biggest challenge I've received in quite some time. I'm so used to performing at a high level, and even when I'm not feeling my best, my machine is generally in good running order; however, this time the body is offering a resounding NO, and I'm forced to oblige. Trust me, I've tried telling it yes by physically forcing it, but I can only get going consistently at about 40%.

The last couple of weekends I've continued to try and play with my softball team, The Devoted Dozen...yet my immobility has rendered me as useless at first base as Bill Buckner - well, at least I'm getting my glove on the ball. (Sorry, Bill, it wasn't a big deal to me, I was cheering for the Mets all those years ago...I guess you'll always be there for the taking) Needless to say, I was born to run and thus, I play Centerfield - Presently: Not an option. Hitting with full strength coming from the lower body - Presently: Not an option. Walking up the stairs to the parking lot after the game - Presently: A much better option. Trying to play at a lower level only serves to frustrate, and I can honestly say I see why pro athletes sit when they've got a hang-nail...OK, maybe not. I'll just hope to help out the team in any capacity, and for my Kirk Gibson moment here in the waning weeks of the season!

I really want to see Michael Moore's SICKO, but I know that will just throw some dirt on top of the funk! I'm currently uninsured, and I hoped to grab my old plan through AEA (Actors Equity Association), but no dice...you've got to have 10 years of "eligibility coverage" (Consistent work weeks through the union) to offer your own premium payments over an indefinite amount of time. So, I turn to SAG (Screen Actors Guild) to find an option...after getting my hopes up I see that HMO coverage is a cool $689/month, through their discounted affiliate. Can we say "North Dakota Mortgage..." ? So, I'm waiting for my sweet wife's new plan to take effect at her new job, and I'll slide on through her "more traditional" path of employment! In the meantime, I'll have to eat the cost of the MRI. If anyone has an MRI machine they wouldn't mind me using, let me know...it'd be cheaper to fly to your place (even if in Japan) to use it!

Regardless of my knee feeling like Laffy Taffy stretched to the extreme, God is continually good. My plate is full of writing work, and I'm busy in rehearsals for a film that shoots next month. I feel blessed in all of this. If nothing else, it lets me know that I have some unfinished business physically...and until I get that couch tester contract I've always dreamed of, I suppose that's a good thing!

The Target Story

So...I was in Orange County...The OC, the City of Orange to be exact, and I was working on a thesis film for my dear friend Heather Coker. I needed some flow, because going without work - or some cash flow - (even when you're working hard), is just demoralizing. The plan was to save a few bucks to grab a place in L.A., so I went to the bullseye and put in an application.

I was called in about 3 days later for an interview, and it went really well. I was going to work overnight...well, kinda overnight...3 a.m. - 11 a.m., and I'd be working planogram. Anyone who has worked in retail knows exactly what I'm talking about. Setting up the store for sales, holidays, and generally for the next day's business. I should have seen the red flag waving when one of the employees asked me what dept. I'd be working in. When I said, "Plano," I thought I had induced a seizure...eyes got big, they stopped breathing, and it was followed by spastic laughter. "Good luck with that," they say. I stayed positive and thought, "They're talking about the hours." Oh... ...I wish it was the hours.

Another red flag started to wave after I was hired and came in for orientation. I hadn't been so bored since 1995, when I had to take one of those "Introduction to Campus Living" classes. There was a "Tarzhay" person there in charge of the orientation...someone from Human Resources I suppose...and she didn't take so kindly to me giggling uncontrollably at the video I had to watch on sexual harassment...but seriously, if you make a comedy, expect people to laugh! So, she asks me, "What department are you working in..." And I say, "Plano." Eyes get big, she stops breathing, and this time I take action. "What's wrong with Plano?" "Nothing..."

So, I'm supposed to start work after the first weekend of shooting the thesis. 3 days of principal sports photography, the final day taking place in the high desert. Needless to say, when 1 a.m. rolled around, I had slept for maybe 45 minutes...my sleep was interrupted with a little something I suffer from known as Panic Disorder. (Don't know what it is? Look it up...it's fantastic...almost as great as sex.) So, after getting my pulse down from 200 plus beats per minute, etc., I think to myself, "There's no way I can do this "training session" tonight." So, I call in, and I finally get slapped with the red flag...right in the face.

The "team leader," was the apparent reason the word "plano" had induced so many seizures. I explained that I felt awful, etc. and asked if I could START work at Target a day later. I had yet to clock in to the joint...She (who shall remain nameless) begins to tell me, that if I'm sick, she'll need to see a note from the doctor. At this point, I quit the job...but I was so appalled by what I was hearing, and felt I had nothing to lose, so I stayed on the line and saved my "resignation" for the right moment. I listened to everything she had to say about me starting my relationship in a very weak manner with the Target Corporation, and then I brought the thunder...(Keep in mind, the thunder was tired...very, very tired.)

I let her have a kind dose about her snap judgment on my character, that I took such assumptions very personal, and that ultimately I didn't think it was going to work out. I've never heard an individual backtrack so quickly in my life. "Oh no," she says, "I think you misunderstood what I was saying...I think you'd really like working on the team...Target's a great company..." What I heard was, "blah blah blah...please don't blah, tell my blah, superior, that I was a b blah i blah t blah c ... ..." I went in the next day, bought a few boxes of cereal and some milk with my employee discount card, and then went straight to the Human Resources office. When the same "orientation" lady asked me if I could offer a two week notice, I offered my own seizure of laughter, held up my milk and cereal and said, "no...no...that's not gonna happen, but I will continue to shop here!"

Ch ch ch...ah ah ah - It's Friday the 13th

I was about to get some work done, but quickly glanced at the Calendar to see that it is my favorite combination of day and date. This entry will definitely be a "Did you know..." section about me, because it's doubtful that anyone is familiar with my pre-teen dark side. There was a time...

In about 5th grade I became obsessed with horror flics. Jason Voorhees was a particular favorite, and Friday The 13th was my brand of humor. The traditional story of good vs. evil with the twist of a hockey mask wearing, machete toting mo-fo, who could run through any defense like Jim Brown in his prime. As a kid, you could only dream of that kind of power. But the true pleasure I took in viewing these flics had to do with the ultimate battle - How they would "kill" Jason, or at least stop him until the next installment.

I used to write additional sequels in the Friday The 13th series, focusing on the 13th installment which I was of the opinion should be the last. My summer after 5th grade, I would make my brother John, and our neighbors Scott and Todd Workman help in the development and pre-production activities of Friday The 13th Part 13, including intense rehearsals with a glow-in-the-dark hockey mask that represented our star. Eventually, we laid Jason to rest by dismembering his body and disposing of the limbs at various locales world-wide...because seriously, why hadn't they thought of that before????

As 6th grade rolled around I had the opportunity to get a little more original with my horrific offerings. We wrote stories that year that were ultimately turned into books. We had the option of illustrating our written word, and there was no doubt as to the direction that I was going. (In 4th grade I had written the incredibly popular "Attack Of The Mechanical Doberman," which was bound and independently published under our class company, "Paper Capers." I still have the original copy.) As an 11 year old, 6th grade student (or Grade 6 student for any Canadians), I launched into my greatest work to date, "Death Camp-out."

Two young men on a camp-out and a madman roaming the woods. It took place on the fictionalized Diamond River, and I'd pay to find the copy of this gem. More so I'd love to see the pictures I drew to accompany what my parents referred to as, "One of the most disturbing things they ever had to deal with." (A quick disclaimer...I was very sneaky with all of these horror movies and stories...no way would my parents let me watch that crap.) My mom immediately considered therapy, thinking she had possibly popped out a young serial criminal. My teacher enjoyed my story, clearly realizing that the heroes were based on myself and a friend, and she was able to alleviate any parental fears...chalking it up to my fearless imagination.

So, don your flannel or your coveralls, and bust out your machete when you head to Harry Potter tonight! It's Friday The 13th............ch ch ch ah ah ah

Tony LaDoucha

I'm seein' Red. Cardinal red. And felt it to be an appropriate day to wear it. No, I'm not really seeing red, but apparently when you wear a red t-shirt with khaki shorts and shop at Target, people automatically assume that you work there...never mind the fact that I'm on a cell phone talking to my brother - no, no, I'm the only Target greeter who is allowed to let my celly blow up while making my hourly wage. And truth be told, I do have the look of a Target employee. Which reminds me, I was a target employee once for a few minutes, and I'll save that story for another time.

So, as I said, I was chatting with my younger and more knowledgeable brother on the topic of the 2007 All-Star game. Yes, I was in San Francisco and kept waiting and waiting for someone from the organization I was working for to offer me a ticket - no dice. Instead, I watched the game from the airport, enjoying chicken fingers, french fries and Guinness. As the game wore on so did my patience.

The only player I voted for, Albert Pujols, was ridin' the pine for the duration of the game, and it was the choice of none other than his own skipper, Tony LaRussa - aka Tony LaDoucha. (I always joked about his nickname until the pre-season incident in Florida; if you don't know what I speak of, just check out this gem.) Last night Tony resembled a french, feminine deodorant product more than ever. Down 3, 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth...Soriano blasts a two-run shot to the opposite field to bring the NL within 1. The American league closers then proceed to walk the bases loaded. Does LaRussa choose to pinch hit Pujols... ...nope. His reasoning is that he wanted to save him for extra-innings (typical LaDoucha over-management). I say, something smells foul in the NL dugout...it smells like Vinegar and Water. Yes, it was a Summer's Eve and LaDoucha was in true form. Instead of dropping a hammer with Pujols - who just happens to be hitting .364 in career all-star games - he opts to let him finish the game just where he started...on the bench.

Tony, bro, seriously... ...seriously? Just like Massengill, I believe you to be of the disposable variety. The Cardinals have grossly underachieved with you at the helm and should have multiple World Series Championships. And no I'm not talkin' 'bout this year's injuries, etc. All Cardinal fans know what I'm talking about! If you disagree, the lines are open, let's debate! And just to bring one more clap of thunder: I told you so...about the Danny Haren, Mark Mulder trade.

Just think, Tony, you could have played Pujols, and even had he grounded into a 6-4 fielder's choice to end the game, we'd all be happy. Regardless, LaRussa, you better bring the thunder in the second half of the season!

The Thunder In San Francisco

I'm in San Francisco hosting a head to head trivia game show associated with the RBI Initiative - AKA Reviving Baseball in Inner Cities...anyone that needs some sour-dough bread or Rice-a-Roni, just holla. I'm sure they continue to love such jokes here...and make no mistakes, I'll be droppin' 'em like Paris dropped her "new persona" in Hawaii last week. Everyone hear about that one? She was denied at two Hotels and forced to stay at a Hilton. That's not a joke...I LOVE this country.

I've got some fun news, and some funky news, but I'm starving. That 50 minute flight from L.A. really took it out of me. Bottom line, I'll say that I did a little something for fun and you may have noticed a promo on NBC for The Singing Bee. Check out the show next Tuesday night the 10th.

On a sour note: Who all has torn an ACL? Apparently I did last Saturday evening while enjoying some recreational softball. Problem is, I can't "recreate" and play a sport at the same time. I have one level - AWESOME. Unfortunately, I had a disagreement with the first base bag (much like A-Rod the other night) and bing, bang, boom, my leg is hanging by a string. An MRI is to follow when I get back to town, and I'll keep everyone posted. Prayers = Good...so please...NO, I'm not asking for a miracle...believe it or not, you're allowed to pray for other things. For me, with a bum knee... ...I'm thinkin' patience.

It's Time...

To get the ball rollin', I'm goin' short and sweet. Great things are happening, and you'll get an update just around the corner! I will keep this sucka up to date, and I will do as the title of my little blog suggests. I hope you'll do the same! (That's 'Bring The Thunder' for those of you that are a little slow)

Now. Back to work with ice on my knee, my foot on my phone (I was wondering what that sound was...?), and then to TRANSFORMERS at 10:25 P.M. You can expect the report, and the life happenings to hit early tomorrow or late late tonight!